Enlisted VS Officer

I was googling away today and decided to see if the enlisted wives club at Lejeune had a website(see if I could start making some friends).

But all I could find was the officer wives club. And I started thinking...

I understand that officers and enlisted men shouldn't socialize. Just common sense. But why are they segregating the WIVES. We aren't the ones in the military; no rank on my shirt. So why am I made to feel inferior to an officers wife? That doesn't seem right!

I'm new to this lifestyle so I cringe at the thought of making waves, but I can't keep my mouth shut. I don't care if your HUSBAND is a general, well I do since that's wonderful for him, but I am not a second class citizen because my husband is junior enlisted!

I'm really glad I don't have a huge following right now. If an officers wife at lejeune is reading this, I'm probably setting myself up for failure...gah.

In other news, I'm trying to get my scattered posessions boxed up and ready for when my husband gets the moving part of PCSing figured out. I still have so much to do. I need a binder to organize everything. Hmm...food for thought!

ORDERS!

Well. Three days ago, husband got his orders. His first duty station will be in the beautiful state of North Carolina at Camp Lejeune. I can't believe it took me this long to remember that I have a blog ABOUT the marines and this absolutly falls the related catagory.
Good news, we will be CONUS. Bad news, he is attached to an infantry unit.
Helpful hint to new ladies; CONUS refers to the continental USA, everything except alaska and hawaii. OCONUS is anywhere overseas. Alaska, Hawaii, or any other post you have to swim to is considered oconus.
Anyways. We have begun the process of pcsing. My stress levels are already through the roof. So much paperwork. I filled out less for college! But I am extremely glad to finally have a plan(ish) instead of this awful limbo. I doubt I will be a huge fan of Lejeune, but at least its better than 29 Palms!
Working on seeing the glass half full. Hopefully full of tequila or rum!

Orders never showed.

My husband told me yesterday that his entire class got orders, except for him and two other guys. Some idiot in admin thought they were reservists. What really bites is that if he HAD gotten his orders, we would be going to hawaii to be part of a logistics batallion.

Now we still dont have orders, dont know when he will, etc. Just another day in this hellish lifestyle. Im glad for the security of it all, but its really getting to me. It seems like, if something is going to go wrong, its going to happen to the husband.

In other news, after a bit of snooping on my part, I found out that my husband and mother in law were trash talking me over facebook while we were having an argument. So I am trying to forgive my husband, because I understand that its easy to get frustrated. However, I am holding a grudge against his mother, who has been uninvited to Thanksgiving tomorrow. Suffice to say, its a tense situation between Danny and I.

OH! Grayson is rolling and is able to sit up with barely any support. Good things are afoot for my little boy.

The new Arrival

Well, this wont be a long post but I wanted to share the news: The baby boy is here! After 18 hours of labor and 1.5 hours of pushing, little Grayson is here and is already spoiled completely rotten. This kid has my entire family wrapped around his little finger. Everyone says he looks like me, but all I can see are his dads features; little folde ears, expressive eyebrows, etc.

Poor little guy though; has jaundice and an infection, so they are keeping him in the hospital for 7 days to administer antibiotics. We are on day three right now, so only 4 more to go. They discharged me, but are letting me stay in an empty room so that I can feed and take care of Grayson. But if the maternity ward starts to fill up and needs the room, I get booted out, so hopefully the prego women in this town can wait a few days before going into labor. I can't leave my baby.

Funny fact though: Grayson sounded like a little duck when he was first born. So now he is my little gray duck and I have never been so in love.

As far as the husband goes: he is due home tonight for 10 days only. He DOES get paternity leave, but it is getting counted at the same time as his bootcamp leave. It doesn't seem fair to me, but who am I gonna go argue with? Danny said on the phone today that his plan to to come home and talk to his recruiter about getting some RA. More updates to come.

Fun Quiz from the Marine Wives on Facebook

1. Your name/their name: Hilary and Daniel
2. Your ages: 21 (me) and 22 (daniel)
3. Your locations: WA (me) and CA (him)
4. How did you meet?: We met in high school and reconnected almost two years later.
5. Since when have you been together?: December 2009
6. What is the most random thing you know about him/her?: He is a cat person, even if he tries to pretend he isnt.
7. How do you communicate with each other?: At this point, only by letter. Soon though, we will have access to a cellphone.
8.  Favorite thing you’ve given him/her?: probably his iPod touch. He loves music, and he uses it all the time.
9.  Favorite thing she/he has given you?: a more optomistic outlook on life
10.  Favorite thing about him/her?:I love that he is endlessly patient. No matter how frustrated and angry I get, he is always calm ready to forgive me.
11. Pick one thing you miss and describe it in detail.: I miss being able to cuddle next to him at night and lay my head on his chest. I miss how he smells.
12. How would you define love? Love is wanting the highest good for that person, regardless of how it might hurt or affect you.
13. What do you think is the hardest thing about distance?: The lack of support and sharing. Danny and I used to share every little detail of our day, from what we ate to who we were irritated by. Since he left, all I get are the basic details of his entire week. I know he doesnt feel that way, since my letters are long and detailed, but it is really hard to not know what is going on with him.

Gas Chamber and The Crucible

This coming week is my husbands last as a "recruit". On thursday, he will have completed the Crucible and recieved his EGA and the title, US Marine. But he has a bit of hell to go through before that happens.

Tomorrow, he will enter the gas chamber, one of the most horrible sounding experiences that the recruiter described to us. They will be forced to endure time in a sealed room filled with tear gas. I will never go through it, but I understand that it is a test of endurance that is a rite of passage for the recruits.

Then, on tuesday, they start the Crucible. I think. I am not sure about the start time, but I know that it is supposed to last for over two days and that when they are done, they will be Marines (or at the ceremony on thursday; not sure).

"The Crucible is the final test in recruit training, and represents the culmination of all of the skills and knowledge a Marine should possess. Designed in 1996^[14] to emphasize the importance of teamwork in overcoming adversity, the Crucible is a rigorous 54-hour field training^[1] exercise demanding the application of everything a recruit has learned until that point in recruit training, and includes a total of 48 miles of marching.^[15] It simulates typical combat situations with strenuous testing, hardship, and the deprivation of food and sleep. A recruit is given three MREs (= Meal Ready-to-Eat, a self-contained, individual field ration, previously two and half) and four to eight hours of sleep through the entire 54-hour event." (Wikipedia)

So you can see that it is no walk in the park, but I know my Danny is ready for it. He is strong and stubborn and he will do fine. Its me who is stuck here at home, worrying about how he is feeling and doing.

I am grappling with the knowledge that I can not help him. In all of our hardships in the the last three years, we have done it together, but now it all falls on him. I can only support him from a distance. No hugs or kisses. Just letters promising that I will be praying for him.

However, this week signals that he will be home soon. In my arms and possibly holding our son in his.

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

Just wanted to wish everyone a happy 4th of July! An important day in American History, heck in WORLD history even.

I hope everyone gets to go see the fireworks and eat hamburgers in the backyard. Today is a day to celebrate all of the freedoms that we enjoy and so often take for granted.

As for my husband, I just hope the Recruit Depot gives them some sort of treat for the holiday. A little extra personal time or maybe extra food at the meals. Cross your fingers!

Phone Call

I got a phonecall yesterday from San Diego. My husband told me that he hadn't gotten mail in over a week so the DI allowed him to call home to check on me. It is good to know that the DI's are aware that Danny has a wife and child on the way; it gives me hope that maybe they will let him call me when I go into labor. I have only 21 days until my expected due date while husbands graduation is 29 days away. Everyone cross your fingers that baby is as stubborn as his dad and comes 8 or 9 days late.

That Power of Attorney sure was useful!

Before my husband left for bootcamp, we decided it would be a good idea to purchase a new vehicle when he got back because our 1994 Honda Accord wasn't really suitable for a newborn. We decided that we wanted to stick with Honda, but upgrade to a CRV. But we were going to wait until he got home so that we would have enough money to make a good down payment.

Well I have found the car a month early. Its a wonderful deal and its everything that I want. The biggest perk is that its RIGHT at our ideal price.

So of course I am trying to get it, but the dealership can only do so much when its me promising to have the money soon. Basically they are willing to give me the car if I can write a check for $3000 and let them cash it within 30 days.

But I dont have a check and I am not even sure that Danny will have that much money in his Marine Federal Credit Union account. So I am using my nifty Power of Attorney to add myself to my husbands account so that I can transfer money from his account to my account after seeing if there was enough to buy the car AND leave him spending money.

So I wanted to share that if you have a power of attorney for your recruit, you can contact MFCU and add yourself to their account. They will ask for your original PoA (they will return it), a copy of your ID and SSN card, as well as your recruits SSN. They don't need your recruits SSN card or a copy of it, just the number so they can look the account up and add you. Also, your address and phone number.

I suggest making a copy of your PoA before you send your original, just in case. I dont know if a copy will work for anything, but it cant hurt to have for your records.

The End of Phase One

The husband is now officially no longer in the first phase of bootcamp. He has started phase II and is at Camp Pendleton for rifle training. Sounds like fun!

If he hadn't been dropped for pneumonia, he would actually be a month from coming home at this point. He was originally supposed to graduate on July 6th, but has been bumped back to July 27th.

So, I want to remind anyone who has a recruit that you should look at my link to what OPSEC is and remember to not post specific dates of troop movement. Yes, that includes the dates on which your recruit went to or returned from Camp Pendleton. Learn the OPSEC guidlines now, so you don't get chewed out later on when your recruit is a marine and he is leaving for or returning from a deployment. Facebook and Twitter is the enemy of OPSEC.

Back Home!

Well, after a long weekend in my hometown, visiting the in-laws, I am finally home and ready to take a nose dive into my bed.

I went to two Memorial Day BBQ's and had homemade ice cream, which was delicious. Very vanilla-y! Baby sure did like it, thats for sure.

Speaking of baby, he spent the entire weekend with his foot jammed up into my ribs, making it almost impossible to breathe, which is hard enough with a ton of pollen floating in the air. Thank you my slightly sadistic son...

Excellent news though; Dannys new platoon won the drill competition (the marching stuff) and managed to earn himself a two minute phonecall home. I had resigned myself to not hearing from him till the end of bootcamp, so it was very surprising to answer my phone and hear "hey honey!"

And of course, the first question he asked was "How is the baby?"

I love that man. He loves his son so much even though he has never been the sort of guy that was excited about kids. This kid is already his entire world.

So, ladies, it is possible for your recruit to earn himself a call home. It wont be long but it is absolutly worth being attached to a phone. It is very comforting to hear his (or her) voice after weeks of separation.

So hold onto that phone! You never know when you could get that call!

Songs That Speak

There are songs out there that truly speak to people. So much music these days are nonsense with no real meaning behind them. Every once in a while though, there will be a song released that really connects with people. The music and lyrics make a person stop and think about how it relates to them.

In my humble opinion, this song describes my feelings perfectly. Its about three years old, but is still one of my husbands and my favorites, simply because we are best friends and are 100% in love. Its a beautiful life to live. =)

Take a listen if you don't already know the song. Its rather comforting if you are separated from your best friend for whatever reason.

***NOTE***
No letters since husband went back into a training company. He IS graduating on July 27th though, so its only a little more than two months until he is home.

Husbands first day back in a training company

Yesterday was my husbands first day back in a training company after three weeks in MRP. It was so nice to hear his voice on the phone two days ago; he finally sounded healthy.

I didn't realize until today, but I was a nervous wreck yesterday. I was twitchy all day. Looking back, I am pretty sure It was because I was worried that his first day wasn't going to go well. Like any wife, I was worried about my husband. But unlike a normal wife, my husband didn't come home at the end of the night, ready to tell me all about it. I have to wait a week or more before he can find time to write me a letter to tell me how he is feeling.

Not knowing is the worst.

Update on mon amour

I got a phonecall today at about 2:00 pm from my husband. There is good news and bad news.

The good news is that he is being moved from PCP to Kilo Company tomorrow to resume training.

The bad news is that he won't graduate until July 27th. One week after my due date...bummer. I was really hoping that Danny would be back in time to see our baby boy be born, but chances are that he will only get to see pictures. I wish he was going to be here. I am really going to need some help when the baby comes. It would be great if it could be babys dad. -sad-

But at least he is back on track for graduation! He is back in training which means he is healthy, strong and ready to push through.

Baby Shower Bash

If you have been keeping up with me, you are aware that I found out a month ago that I am pregnant. At the time, I was 23 weeks along. I am now 29 and really starting to feel it. Almost out of thin air, my belly popped out and I have started having all of the unpleasant symptoms of the third trimester. I wont go into them but its pretty irritating to get up every couple of hours at night to go pee.

So, what happens when you get pregnant? BABY SHOWER!!! All of the women in your family congregate to play silly games and offer lots of advice for new moms... plus gifts. Not that mine need an invitation, but its still a part of the pregnancy experience.

I am the first person in my family to have a baby in nine years (20 years on my husbands side). Can you imagine how excited people were? I immedietly got five different people wanting to throw the baby shower; my mom, sister, and aunt plus Dannys mother and sister. Its nice to have everyone being so nice and supportive.

So the way it has boiled down is that my aunt is throwing my baby shower with help from Dannys mother and grandmother while my mom has been made the organizer for my sisters Bridal Shower. The unfortunate thing is that since my due date and her wedding are so close, our showers have to be pretty close together. I have decided on June 16th for mine, but Amanda is having trouble deciding on hers.

Its hard to try to collect so many peoples information for invitations though. I had no idea so many people would have to be invited. I think the estimate at this point is close to thirty. That seems like a rather large party to me. And I might even be estimating low since my stepfathers family hasn't been counted yet.

If you knew me personally, you would know that I don't like letting other people be in control. So letting family members handle a party that I have a large interest in is very hard for me. I want to take over the whole thing and make sure its all perfect. Apparently that isn't allowed since I am the expectant mother. Its tacky I guess...

My aunt really does have it under control though. She asked me about some preferencs for food and such and we came up with some really easy and cost effective plans. The party is going to have a taco salad bar for food and a combination of Key Lime pie and Lemon Icebox pie. Green and Yellow; little boy colors! Its going to be at my mother and fathers workplace, where they have a large patio area and a entertainment room that is good in case the weather is bad. Plus, its free! Can't beat free.

I had a lot of fun putting together a baby registry. First I did it on amazon.com, which was really cool and had a great selection. Its a good place to do it if you have a lot of family members who are capable of using the computer. Mine, not so much. So i moved my registery over to Target.com. Less selection, but more accessible to people in general. Plus target.com is a pain to log into and try to manage. They did have a handy catagory function that allows you to see what type of items you have and haven't registered for.

I am very much looking forward to the baby shower. First, I get to see all of my family at once which is nice when we are all spread out so much. Secondly, the baby shower gifts allow to me to figure out what items Danny and I will have to purchase to get ready for the baby.

The sad part is that this is another thing Danny wont be home for. I am still proud of him and I appreciate his willingness to take care of our family.

Don't Know What to Say

Im not ashamed to admit that I lead a boring life. Mostly thats because I am unemployed.

I am very good friends with TLC and ABC Family, which is downright pathetic. I enjoy watching Secret Life of the American Teenager and I Did't Know I was Pregnant. Well, I dont really enjoy watching them, but I cant seem to look away. Like when your driving on the freeway and there is an accident and you actually slow down so you can watch whats going on. You WANT to look away, but you just can not.

Anyways, I find myself with nothing to write about in my letters to Danny. I tell him about the baby and what interesting articles I read about, but I am running out of material! Its not that I dont have anything to say ("I love you!"), its that I just dont have anything interesting to say. I could write pages and pages of sweet sentiments but eventually he is going to get sick of reading that.

I mean, I am sure he would appreciate every letter, but it wouldn't be the motivation that he needs. It wouldn't provide distraction from the pains of boot camp, which he probably needs a lot of at this.

So what do I write now? I dont have doctor appointments for another week for so and the news has been pretty boring.

Any ideas would be appreciated! In the meantime, I will simply keep telling him about my day. Maybe I will start writing down memories from our life together and just keep reminding him why he is doing this.

On a side note, when do I start to get celebrating mothers day? I know I am not one yet, but I am pretty sure that I am feeling the exhaustion levels....

Post Pneumonia

I find myself lost all over again after having spent the last few days worrying every second of the day about my husband. Between calling him in the hospital and researching pneumonia, I haven't had time to be lonely. I have been so focused on him that I have completely forgotten how to be alone.

Let me explain...

In the last three weeks, I have mostly gotten used to practically being single. Sure, I spend time writing to the husband, but everything else in my life became solo. After he left, I eventually stopped crying and got on with life.

So when I got to opportunity to talk to my husband on the phone, all that coping was forgotten. I got used to talking to him again. Telling him about my day and asking about his. I felt married again even if he wasn't in the room with me.

Don't get me wrong; those phone calls are now some of my most precious memories. I wouldn't trade them for anything. It was amazing being able to hear his voice again.

Be warned though: by having the blessing of those phone calls, I was sent sprawling back to square one. I am depressed and lonely. It was like he had just left, all over again.

The good news is that, while he IS being dropped to MRP, it is only for a week. So unless he spontaenously gets sick again, his graduation should only be delayed by a couple weeks, max. This might be a blessing for us. It may be unpleasent for him now, but this could mean that he might be with me for the birth of our child.

God really must be watching out for us. There is no other explanation for how everything has been working out for the last two months. How I magically quit smoking when I was unknowingly two months pregnant or how Danny was able to slide into an earlier slot for bootcamp.

Thank you God for watching over my son, my husband, and even me. None of us deserve it, thats for sure.

What I Have Learned in the Last Three Weeks

1.      I am not in control. No matter how much I want to be, or think I should be, The Marine Corp is now a part of my life and marriage. Anything having to do with my husband has to do with them, so I had better just get used to it. He is theirs just as much, if not more, than he is mine.

2.      The Marine Corp has a lot of terminology that is way above my head. They have a name for items that don’t really need a new name, and it is frustrating to hear some strange designation instead of a proper name. My husband called the bathroom “the head” which threw me for a loop. Why has the military decided to rename everything?

3.      I am stronger than I thought, but weaker at the same time. I now know I am capable of taking care of myself if my husband is ever gone for good. But I have also realized that while I may be strong enough to physically care for myself, I am not very emotionally independent. I depend on my husband to listen to me, to comfort me, even to remind me when I am over reacting. My emotions have been all over the place for the last three weeks, and it isn’t getting any better.

4.      Nothing anyone says is very comforting. No matter how many times my mother or father reassure me, I still feel alone, scared, and worried. It’s nice to have family around, and their presence is at least distracting, but the hugs don’t even take the edge off the loneliness. They don’t need to know that though.

5.      Anything to distract myself is worth it. Moping all day isn’t good for me and it definitely isn’t helping my recruit. I know he can feel my sadness in my letters. He is my husband! He knows me better than I know myself so I am pretty sure he can pick up little hints of sadness, regardless of how hard I try to hide it. So for his sake, I have to stay upbeat. This means making sure I am not dwelling on the separation in order to make boot camp easier on him.

6.       I am so lucky to be my recruit’s wife. He is going through exhaustion and pain right now to provide a future for his family. He loves me and our anxiously awaited son so much that he is doing something that most people can’t even fathom. I certainly can’t!

Pneumonia

So I got a call from The San Diego Naval Hospital today. A lady with a heavy spanish accent informed me that my husband has been admitted and that I need to call them back. Or rather, she tried. I was making the yardsale routes with my family and missed the call. I didnt get the voicemail until an hour later.

I panicked. I thought he must be dying. Why else would he be in a hospital? So I tried to call the missed phone number, only to have it make the strangest clicking/beeping sound no matter how many times I hung up and redialed. I then began an incredibly panicked search on the internet for a working number to the hospital. I eventually found one and got connected to a person. Only to be transfered to another location, then put on hold while my husbands nurse was found. Now keep in mind that I STILL had no idea what was going on. The nurse was SO helpful (can you sense my sarcasm?). She gave me the phone number to my husbands room. I then proceeded to call the private number.

Ring...Ring...
Ring...Ring...
Ring...Ring...
Ring...Ring...

Nothing. You can guess what I did next . I called the nurse back and demanded they go to his room to find out why he wasn't answering. The phone wasn't freaking PLUGGED IN! The most basic part of a working telephone, and it wasn't connected.

Finally, I got in touch with my husband. Who has pneumonia. Pretty badly.

But God was it good to hear his voice. I could barely stop crying to ask him about his condition. He says he is okay, but his cough says otherwise. He could barely talk, but he talked to me for a few minutes, doing his best to comfort me, even though he is the sick one. He was very interested in how the baby is doing.

Eventually he had to get off the phone because the doctor came in to do some tests. I called him back about an hour later, but he was only able to talk for about 10 minutes before he told me he needed to go. No explanation, but I assume he was exhausted and needed to sleep.

I am such a mess right now. How am I going to survive being cut off from him again once he is out of the hospital?  It is taking every once of my willpower to not drive to the airport right now and jump on a plane. For the last three years, I have been taking care of him and it is agony to be 1500 miles away and not able to hold him while he coughs. To ease his pain.

Plus, if he is sick for long enough, he could be "recycled" meaning that he would have to start bootcamp all over again. I am praying thats not the case.

There really is a God!

Today, as I was writing Danny, a letter finally came. Almost three weeks after I dropped him off at his recruiters, I finally hear from him. It was like someone upstairs finally heard my prayers.

Honestly, I think this might be the best feeling I have ever had. Its such a beautiful feeling to hear from your loved one after so long. Believe me when I say that this is euphoria.

For the last two weeks, I have been watching the mail like a hawk. Every single day, I waited at home until the mail came, desperate for any communication from my dear dear husband. So of course, when I actually saw the half size envelope with the globe and anchor on it, I immedietly burst into tears and ripped into the envelope like a wild animal. I dont think I have ever moved so fast.

Unfortunatly, the letter wasn't very long, which was not very suprising considering how strapped for time he probably is. He expressed how much he missed me and how bootcamp is not what he was expecting. He of course inquired after the baby, as though he had no idea what was going on. I find that suspicious because I have been writing him huge letters everyday. Supposedly mail isn't supposed to be withheld for any reason, not even for disciplinary reasons.

Also, he asked that I send him Vitamin C tablets and protein bars. He wasn't very descriptive so I had to call his recruiter and ask how many protein bars I needed to send (aka, enough for his entire platoon). Him asking for Vitamin C worries me because he didn't include any other information. Is he sick? Does he need anything else?

I read in a couple of forums that recruits might appreciate being sent moleskin to help ease the pain of blisters, which I guess can be pretty common. The husband specifically requested that I not send him anything besides the two items, so I am still on the bridge about the blister help.

Oh, just for clarification, if you choose to send your recruit cookies or something, you absolutly HAVE to send enough for his entire platoon. However, that is not the case with protein bars. You only have to send enough for your person of interest. However, if the DI's feel it is necessary, they can pool all of the protein bars sent by families and distribute them as needed. So that doesn't mean dont send the protein bars that he is asking for. If he is asking for something, chances are that he really needs it.

Always remember that the recruiters are not only resources for your recruit, but also for you. Not just spouses, but parents to. You might have to be persistant with them, but they are usually willing to be helpful. My husbands was very kind to me today, asking how I was holding up. I was pretty choked up on the phone still, but he was very graceful under fire. Very few men seem to be able to handle a crying woman.

And if you are reading this before your recruit has shipped for basic, take this information to heart. That first letter is going to take a while. It is agony to wait, I know, but just keep writing to him. Even if he isnt getting them all quite yet, its also therapeutic for you, especially if your a spouse. It is very hard to go from having a constant companion to being alone for this long. So just write. Write about what you do everyday or about the funny article you read. Just write. If my husband really has been having his mail withheld, then he is going to have the largest stack of mail that the DI's have ever seen. Remember that it is up to you to be postive and to make sure he doesn't feel like his whole world is pain, exhaustion, and stress. He has to have a reason to continue.

(Please note that I say "he" because my recruit is my husband. Its just a mindset thing.)