Baby Shower Bash

If you have been keeping up with me, you are aware that I found out a month ago that I am pregnant. At the time, I was 23 weeks along. I am now 29 and really starting to feel it. Almost out of thin air, my belly popped out and I have started having all of the unpleasant symptoms of the third trimester. I wont go into them but its pretty irritating to get up every couple of hours at night to go pee.

So, what happens when you get pregnant? BABY SHOWER!!! All of the women in your family congregate to play silly games and offer lots of advice for new moms... plus gifts. Not that mine need an invitation, but its still a part of the pregnancy experience.

I am the first person in my family to have a baby in nine years (20 years on my husbands side). Can you imagine how excited people were? I immedietly got five different people wanting to throw the baby shower; my mom, sister, and aunt plus Dannys mother and sister. Its nice to have everyone being so nice and supportive.

So the way it has boiled down is that my aunt is throwing my baby shower with help from Dannys mother and grandmother while my mom has been made the organizer for my sisters Bridal Shower. The unfortunate thing is that since my due date and her wedding are so close, our showers have to be pretty close together. I have decided on June 16th for mine, but Amanda is having trouble deciding on hers.

Its hard to try to collect so many peoples information for invitations though. I had no idea so many people would have to be invited. I think the estimate at this point is close to thirty. That seems like a rather large party to me. And I might even be estimating low since my stepfathers family hasn't been counted yet.

If you knew me personally, you would know that I don't like letting other people be in control. So letting family members handle a party that I have a large interest in is very hard for me. I want to take over the whole thing and make sure its all perfect. Apparently that isn't allowed since I am the expectant mother. Its tacky I guess...

My aunt really does have it under control though. She asked me about some preferencs for food and such and we came up with some really easy and cost effective plans. The party is going to have a taco salad bar for food and a combination of Key Lime pie and Lemon Icebox pie. Green and Yellow; little boy colors! Its going to be at my mother and fathers workplace, where they have a large patio area and a entertainment room that is good in case the weather is bad. Plus, its free! Can't beat free.

I had a lot of fun putting together a baby registry. First I did it on amazon.com, which was really cool and had a great selection. Its a good place to do it if you have a lot of family members who are capable of using the computer. Mine, not so much. So i moved my registery over to Target.com. Less selection, but more accessible to people in general. Plus target.com is a pain to log into and try to manage. They did have a handy catagory function that allows you to see what type of items you have and haven't registered for.

I am very much looking forward to the baby shower. First, I get to see all of my family at once which is nice when we are all spread out so much. Secondly, the baby shower gifts allow to me to figure out what items Danny and I will have to purchase to get ready for the baby.

The sad part is that this is another thing Danny wont be home for. I am still proud of him and I appreciate his willingness to take care of our family.

What I Have Learned in the Last Three Weeks

1.      I am not in control. No matter how much I want to be, or think I should be, The Marine Corp is now a part of my life and marriage. Anything having to do with my husband has to do with them, so I had better just get used to it. He is theirs just as much, if not more, than he is mine.

2.      The Marine Corp has a lot of terminology that is way above my head. They have a name for items that don’t really need a new name, and it is frustrating to hear some strange designation instead of a proper name. My husband called the bathroom “the head” which threw me for a loop. Why has the military decided to rename everything?

3.      I am stronger than I thought, but weaker at the same time. I now know I am capable of taking care of myself if my husband is ever gone for good. But I have also realized that while I may be strong enough to physically care for myself, I am not very emotionally independent. I depend on my husband to listen to me, to comfort me, even to remind me when I am over reacting. My emotions have been all over the place for the last three weeks, and it isn’t getting any better.

4.      Nothing anyone says is very comforting. No matter how many times my mother or father reassure me, I still feel alone, scared, and worried. It’s nice to have family around, and their presence is at least distracting, but the hugs don’t even take the edge off the loneliness. They don’t need to know that though.

5.      Anything to distract myself is worth it. Moping all day isn’t good for me and it definitely isn’t helping my recruit. I know he can feel my sadness in my letters. He is my husband! He knows me better than I know myself so I am pretty sure he can pick up little hints of sadness, regardless of how hard I try to hide it. So for his sake, I have to stay upbeat. This means making sure I am not dwelling on the separation in order to make boot camp easier on him.

6.       I am so lucky to be my recruit’s wife. He is going through exhaustion and pain right now to provide a future for his family. He loves me and our anxiously awaited son so much that he is doing something that most people can’t even fathom. I certainly can’t!

There really is a God!

Today, as I was writing Danny, a letter finally came. Almost three weeks after I dropped him off at his recruiters, I finally hear from him. It was like someone upstairs finally heard my prayers.

Honestly, I think this might be the best feeling I have ever had. Its such a beautiful feeling to hear from your loved one after so long. Believe me when I say that this is euphoria.

For the last two weeks, I have been watching the mail like a hawk. Every single day, I waited at home until the mail came, desperate for any communication from my dear dear husband. So of course, when I actually saw the half size envelope with the globe and anchor on it, I immedietly burst into tears and ripped into the envelope like a wild animal. I dont think I have ever moved so fast.

Unfortunatly, the letter wasn't very long, which was not very suprising considering how strapped for time he probably is. He expressed how much he missed me and how bootcamp is not what he was expecting. He of course inquired after the baby, as though he had no idea what was going on. I find that suspicious because I have been writing him huge letters everyday. Supposedly mail isn't supposed to be withheld for any reason, not even for disciplinary reasons.

Also, he asked that I send him Vitamin C tablets and protein bars. He wasn't very descriptive so I had to call his recruiter and ask how many protein bars I needed to send (aka, enough for his entire platoon). Him asking for Vitamin C worries me because he didn't include any other information. Is he sick? Does he need anything else?

I read in a couple of forums that recruits might appreciate being sent moleskin to help ease the pain of blisters, which I guess can be pretty common. The husband specifically requested that I not send him anything besides the two items, so I am still on the bridge about the blister help.

Oh, just for clarification, if you choose to send your recruit cookies or something, you absolutly HAVE to send enough for his entire platoon. However, that is not the case with protein bars. You only have to send enough for your person of interest. However, if the DI's feel it is necessary, they can pool all of the protein bars sent by families and distribute them as needed. So that doesn't mean dont send the protein bars that he is asking for. If he is asking for something, chances are that he really needs it.

Always remember that the recruiters are not only resources for your recruit, but also for you. Not just spouses, but parents to. You might have to be persistant with them, but they are usually willing to be helpful. My husbands was very kind to me today, asking how I was holding up. I was pretty choked up on the phone still, but he was very graceful under fire. Very few men seem to be able to handle a crying woman.

And if you are reading this before your recruit has shipped for basic, take this information to heart. That first letter is going to take a while. It is agony to wait, I know, but just keep writing to him. Even if he isnt getting them all quite yet, its also therapeutic for you, especially if your a spouse. It is very hard to go from having a constant companion to being alone for this long. So just write. Write about what you do everyday or about the funny article you read. Just write. If my husband really has been having his mail withheld, then he is going to have the largest stack of mail that the DI's have ever seen. Remember that it is up to you to be postive and to make sure he doesn't feel like his whole world is pain, exhaustion, and stress. He has to have a reason to continue.

(Please note that I say "he" because my recruit is my husband. Its just a mindset thing.)

74 days

Danny has been gone for 2 weeks now and I dont think I gone through anything this bad before. Everything is a reminder that he isnt here. I try to keep calm and serene but it hurts to see happy couples everywhere and to know that mine is 1500 miles and 74 days away.

Its not only real world people. Television, movies, music; everything is about a happy couple. Its heart wrenching.

My family trys to be comforting, but they just dont understand. None of my family has ever had to be seperated for this long from their spouse and their words just dont comfort the way I wish they would. They say that I should get out and find things to do. Unfortunatly I am now rather limited in where I can go. Before he left, Danny requested that I not drive anymore partially due to our crappy 1994 Honda and partially because he doesnt trust my driving. A fact that I find hilarious because he is the terrible driver! So I am pretty limited to the house unless one of my family members is free to ferry me about.

I have been writing Danny everyday. It almost feels like talking to a ghost because I still haven't recieved a letter from him. I dont even know if he is recieving my letters. My mother-in-law says just keep waiting; that it might take a while. I just wish that my husband would take 15 minutes at the end of the night to scratch me a note telling me how he is doing and that he is okay.

I have decided that I really do need to find a hobby. Before, I didnt really have time for one. Not because I was so busy but because I loved spending my free time with my husband. I didn't really feel like I needed something else to occupy myself. The problem with finding a hobby is that I have no idea what I want to do. I enjoy writing, reading, traveling but none of those are capable of keeping my attention.

So anyone who has an idea, please let me know. I desperatly need something to keep my mind off of the soul crushing loneliness...