ORDERS!

Well. Three days ago, husband got his orders. His first duty station will be in the beautiful state of North Carolina at Camp Lejeune. I can't believe it took me this long to remember that I have a blog ABOUT the marines and this absolutly falls the related catagory.
Good news, we will be CONUS. Bad news, he is attached to an infantry unit.
Helpful hint to new ladies; CONUS refers to the continental USA, everything except alaska and hawaii. OCONUS is anywhere overseas. Alaska, Hawaii, or any other post you have to swim to is considered oconus.
Anyways. We have begun the process of pcsing. My stress levels are already through the roof. So much paperwork. I filled out less for college! But I am extremely glad to finally have a plan(ish) instead of this awful limbo. I doubt I will be a huge fan of Lejeune, but at least its better than 29 Palms!
Working on seeing the glass half full. Hopefully full of tequila or rum!

What I Have Learned in the Last Three Weeks

1.      I am not in control. No matter how much I want to be, or think I should be, The Marine Corp is now a part of my life and marriage. Anything having to do with my husband has to do with them, so I had better just get used to it. He is theirs just as much, if not more, than he is mine.

2.      The Marine Corp has a lot of terminology that is way above my head. They have a name for items that don’t really need a new name, and it is frustrating to hear some strange designation instead of a proper name. My husband called the bathroom “the head” which threw me for a loop. Why has the military decided to rename everything?

3.      I am stronger than I thought, but weaker at the same time. I now know I am capable of taking care of myself if my husband is ever gone for good. But I have also realized that while I may be strong enough to physically care for myself, I am not very emotionally independent. I depend on my husband to listen to me, to comfort me, even to remind me when I am over reacting. My emotions have been all over the place for the last three weeks, and it isn’t getting any better.

4.      Nothing anyone says is very comforting. No matter how many times my mother or father reassure me, I still feel alone, scared, and worried. It’s nice to have family around, and their presence is at least distracting, but the hugs don’t even take the edge off the loneliness. They don’t need to know that though.

5.      Anything to distract myself is worth it. Moping all day isn’t good for me and it definitely isn’t helping my recruit. I know he can feel my sadness in my letters. He is my husband! He knows me better than I know myself so I am pretty sure he can pick up little hints of sadness, regardless of how hard I try to hide it. So for his sake, I have to stay upbeat. This means making sure I am not dwelling on the separation in order to make boot camp easier on him.

6.       I am so lucky to be my recruit’s wife. He is going through exhaustion and pain right now to provide a future for his family. He loves me and our anxiously awaited son so much that he is doing something that most people can’t even fathom. I certainly can’t!

There really is a God!

Today, as I was writing Danny, a letter finally came. Almost three weeks after I dropped him off at his recruiters, I finally hear from him. It was like someone upstairs finally heard my prayers.

Honestly, I think this might be the best feeling I have ever had. Its such a beautiful feeling to hear from your loved one after so long. Believe me when I say that this is euphoria.

For the last two weeks, I have been watching the mail like a hawk. Every single day, I waited at home until the mail came, desperate for any communication from my dear dear husband. So of course, when I actually saw the half size envelope with the globe and anchor on it, I immedietly burst into tears and ripped into the envelope like a wild animal. I dont think I have ever moved so fast.

Unfortunatly, the letter wasn't very long, which was not very suprising considering how strapped for time he probably is. He expressed how much he missed me and how bootcamp is not what he was expecting. He of course inquired after the baby, as though he had no idea what was going on. I find that suspicious because I have been writing him huge letters everyday. Supposedly mail isn't supposed to be withheld for any reason, not even for disciplinary reasons.

Also, he asked that I send him Vitamin C tablets and protein bars. He wasn't very descriptive so I had to call his recruiter and ask how many protein bars I needed to send (aka, enough for his entire platoon). Him asking for Vitamin C worries me because he didn't include any other information. Is he sick? Does he need anything else?

I read in a couple of forums that recruits might appreciate being sent moleskin to help ease the pain of blisters, which I guess can be pretty common. The husband specifically requested that I not send him anything besides the two items, so I am still on the bridge about the blister help.

Oh, just for clarification, if you choose to send your recruit cookies or something, you absolutly HAVE to send enough for his entire platoon. However, that is not the case with protein bars. You only have to send enough for your person of interest. However, if the DI's feel it is necessary, they can pool all of the protein bars sent by families and distribute them as needed. So that doesn't mean dont send the protein bars that he is asking for. If he is asking for something, chances are that he really needs it.

Always remember that the recruiters are not only resources for your recruit, but also for you. Not just spouses, but parents to. You might have to be persistant with them, but they are usually willing to be helpful. My husbands was very kind to me today, asking how I was holding up. I was pretty choked up on the phone still, but he was very graceful under fire. Very few men seem to be able to handle a crying woman.

And if you are reading this before your recruit has shipped for basic, take this information to heart. That first letter is going to take a while. It is agony to wait, I know, but just keep writing to him. Even if he isnt getting them all quite yet, its also therapeutic for you, especially if your a spouse. It is very hard to go from having a constant companion to being alone for this long. So just write. Write about what you do everyday or about the funny article you read. Just write. If my husband really has been having his mail withheld, then he is going to have the largest stack of mail that the DI's have ever seen. Remember that it is up to you to be postive and to make sure he doesn't feel like his whole world is pain, exhaustion, and stress. He has to have a reason to continue.

(Please note that I say "he" because my recruit is my husband. Its just a mindset thing.)

74 days

Danny has been gone for 2 weeks now and I dont think I gone through anything this bad before. Everything is a reminder that he isnt here. I try to keep calm and serene but it hurts to see happy couples everywhere and to know that mine is 1500 miles and 74 days away.

Its not only real world people. Television, movies, music; everything is about a happy couple. Its heart wrenching.

My family trys to be comforting, but they just dont understand. None of my family has ever had to be seperated for this long from their spouse and their words just dont comfort the way I wish they would. They say that I should get out and find things to do. Unfortunatly I am now rather limited in where I can go. Before he left, Danny requested that I not drive anymore partially due to our crappy 1994 Honda and partially because he doesnt trust my driving. A fact that I find hilarious because he is the terrible driver! So I am pretty limited to the house unless one of my family members is free to ferry me about.

I have been writing Danny everyday. It almost feels like talking to a ghost because I still haven't recieved a letter from him. I dont even know if he is recieving my letters. My mother-in-law says just keep waiting; that it might take a while. I just wish that my husband would take 15 minutes at the end of the night to scratch me a note telling me how he is doing and that he is okay.

I have decided that I really do need to find a hobby. Before, I didnt really have time for one. Not because I was so busy but because I loved spending my free time with my husband. I didn't really feel like I needed something else to occupy myself. The problem with finding a hobby is that I have no idea what I want to do. I enjoy writing, reading, traveling but none of those are capable of keeping my attention.

So anyone who has an idea, please let me know. I desperatly need something to keep my mind off of the soul crushing loneliness...

Finally!

I finally got Danny's address today. I waited until about 9:30 before I called his recruiter and said "GIVE ME THE ADDRESS!!!" Okay, I wasnt that aggressive, but I very nicely said that I was told to call today for the official address where I could start sending letters.

So the recruiter posted the address on my facebook wall, which was very convenient. That way I could "tag" his mother, sister, father, etc instead of having to call each of them and try to describe the very long and complicated address.

So immedietly wrote it on the envelope that I already had a stamp on in preparation and rushed to the nearest letterbox. I cant wait for him to get the letters (3) as well as the ultrasound picture of the baby sucking his thumb. Its a pretty thick envelope.

So I guess the lesson learned is that I have to stop worrying so much. I am 90% sure that the Marine Corp aren't going to let Danny die or get hurt, so I need to sit down and shut up. I won't be able to bully them into giving me contact with him so I should just learn to be patient as they work stuff out on their end.

I have to remind myself that nobody is out to get us. No one is intentionally trying to keep me in the dark or make me sick with worry. The Marine Corp is a huge organization(?) and they probably have bigger fish to fry then me being upset about a phone call or wanting the husbands address as soon as he gets there.

So I guess the REAL lesson is that I need to stop thinking that I have any control for the next four years, minimum. I will live where they tell me to live, wait when I have to wait, and celebrate when they give me something to celebrate.

Marine Corp News

Another gift from God; Danny's ship date for Basic has been moved up from May 9th to April 7th.

That means that Danny will be here for the birth (estimated to be July 19). Otherwise, he wouldnt have been here until about two weeks after the baby was born.

The day after we went to the ER, Danny went into the recruiter to tell them what was going on. They immedietly got to work changing his ship date and even trying to get him two extra weeks of Recruiters Assistance, so he could hang around in case I am overdue.

Turns out they couldn't get the RA, but he would have gotten 10 days of Paternity Leave, as long as he was out of basic.

So he is going to be home for the birth! BUT...that means that I will be traveling from WA to CA in my ninth month of pregnancy; I have a feeling that will suck. I am not willing, however, to miss seeing him graduate into a Marine.

I will have more updates soon. The first OB appt is on April 2nd where we will get more info about baby!

Hilary signing off!

Something that just occured to me

So I have been reading some posts by other wifes of marines and I have noticed a trend; they all seem to be very attractive. Like, hot enough for me to take notice, and I dont usually bother with this stuff.

Are there no military spouses that have a few extra pounds or maybe some unsightly mole? I mean, am I doomed to feeling inferior when I am living on base somewhere, neighbors to these skinny and perfectly manicured trophy wives???

So I guess this leaves me with a couple of options:

1) Get in shape. Greatttt....Salads instead of yummy savory steaks and an hour on the eliptical every morning. Sounds like a load of fun.

2) Get over myself. My husband married me the way I am, 20 pounds extra and all, and who am I trying to impress? Oh yeah, just the tons of apparently attractive women who will soon be my neighbors and mental rivals. I know that I dont need to feel threatened by other women, but I cant shake the thought that if Miss Sexy Marine woman over there were to walk past my husband, he wouldn't stop and stare.

So is my vanity worth delicious steaks and Micky-D french fries? Im not unhealthy, just not in peak physical condition...are a few guily pleasures WORTH feeling like I am able to compete with women who aren't actually competing with me???