I find myself lost all over again after having spent the last few days worrying every second of the day about my husband. Between calling him in the hospital and researching pneumonia, I haven't had time to be lonely. I have been so focused on him that I have completely forgotten how to be alone.
Let me explain...
In the last three weeks, I have mostly gotten used to practically being single. Sure, I spend time writing to the husband, but everything else in my life became solo. After he left, I eventually stopped crying and got on with life.
So when I got to opportunity to talk to my husband on the phone, all that coping was forgotten. I got used to talking to him again. Telling him about my day and asking about his. I felt married again even if he wasn't in the room with me.
Don't get me wrong; those phone calls are now some of my most precious memories. I wouldn't trade them for anything. It was amazing being able to hear his voice again.
Be warned though: by having the blessing of those phone calls, I was sent sprawling back to square one. I am depressed and lonely. It was like he had just left, all over again.
The good news is that, while he IS being dropped to MRP, it is only for a week. So unless he spontaenously gets sick again, his graduation should only be delayed by a couple weeks, max. This might be a blessing for us. It may be unpleasent for him now, but this could mean that he might be with me for the birth of our child.
God really must be watching out for us. There is no other explanation for how everything has been working out for the last two months. How I magically quit smoking when I was unknowingly two months pregnant or how Danny was able to slide into an earlier slot for bootcamp.
Thank you God for watching over my son, my husband, and even me. None of us deserve it, thats for sure.
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