What I Have Learned in the Last Three Weeks

1.      I am not in control. No matter how much I want to be, or think I should be, The Marine Corp is now a part of my life and marriage. Anything having to do with my husband has to do with them, so I had better just get used to it. He is theirs just as much, if not more, than he is mine.

2.      The Marine Corp has a lot of terminology that is way above my head. They have a name for items that don’t really need a new name, and it is frustrating to hear some strange designation instead of a proper name. My husband called the bathroom “the head” which threw me for a loop. Why has the military decided to rename everything?

3.      I am stronger than I thought, but weaker at the same time. I now know I am capable of taking care of myself if my husband is ever gone for good. But I have also realized that while I may be strong enough to physically care for myself, I am not very emotionally independent. I depend on my husband to listen to me, to comfort me, even to remind me when I am over reacting. My emotions have been all over the place for the last three weeks, and it isn’t getting any better.

4.      Nothing anyone says is very comforting. No matter how many times my mother or father reassure me, I still feel alone, scared, and worried. It’s nice to have family around, and their presence is at least distracting, but the hugs don’t even take the edge off the loneliness. They don’t need to know that though.

5.      Anything to distract myself is worth it. Moping all day isn’t good for me and it definitely isn’t helping my recruit. I know he can feel my sadness in my letters. He is my husband! He knows me better than I know myself so I am pretty sure he can pick up little hints of sadness, regardless of how hard I try to hide it. So for his sake, I have to stay upbeat. This means making sure I am not dwelling on the separation in order to make boot camp easier on him.

6.       I am so lucky to be my recruit’s wife. He is going through exhaustion and pain right now to provide a future for his family. He loves me and our anxiously awaited son so much that he is doing something that most people can’t even fathom. I certainly can’t!

Marine Corp News

Another gift from God; Danny's ship date for Basic has been moved up from May 9th to April 7th.

That means that Danny will be here for the birth (estimated to be July 19). Otherwise, he wouldnt have been here until about two weeks after the baby was born.

The day after we went to the ER, Danny went into the recruiter to tell them what was going on. They immedietly got to work changing his ship date and even trying to get him two extra weeks of Recruiters Assistance, so he could hang around in case I am overdue.

Turns out they couldn't get the RA, but he would have gotten 10 days of Paternity Leave, as long as he was out of basic.

So he is going to be home for the birth! BUT...that means that I will be traveling from WA to CA in my ninth month of pregnancy; I have a feeling that will suck. I am not willing, however, to miss seeing him graduate into a Marine.

I will have more updates soon. The first OB appt is on April 2nd where we will get more info about baby!

Hilary signing off!

Nightmares

I have been having a bad couple of days, sleep-wise. I have been having some pretty intense nightmares, the most awful of which woke me up in the middle of night, sobbing like a kid. Poor husband was really freaked out when I startled him awake as I searched for him in the blankets.

The dream itself wasnt gruesome or anything. I dreamt that it was maybe 10 years in the future. I had three kids, all watching TV in the living room when the doorbell rings and I open the front door to find a man in uniform telling me that my husband has died.

I'm sure the experience is different in real life, but it shook me to the core. I havent really felt like doing anything the last few days, least of all write. I have spent it getting myself together and talking my crazy side out of telling Danny he cant join the Marines.

On a happier note I went to Home Depot yesterday and picked up the seeds im going to plant this year as well as a raspberry shoot. So my garden this year will have stawberries, broccoli, pumpkins, watermelons, AND hopefully some raspberries. I also finally have found a pair of gardening gloves that actually fit me. My future brother in law picked up some corn that he plans on planting, but I dont really see that happening since he has made no effort to help me clear the garden.

OH! Hold on. His recruiters, who we have had nothing but issues with, has gone and changed the day for PT from mondays to saturdays. WTH! There is no way that Danny is going to be able to get saturdays off from work. Just frustrating because they made such a big deal about danny getting mondays off from work. GRRR