ORDERS!

Well. Three days ago, husband got his orders. His first duty station will be in the beautiful state of North Carolina at Camp Lejeune. I can't believe it took me this long to remember that I have a blog ABOUT the marines and this absolutly falls the related catagory.
Good news, we will be CONUS. Bad news, he is attached to an infantry unit.
Helpful hint to new ladies; CONUS refers to the continental USA, everything except alaska and hawaii. OCONUS is anywhere overseas. Alaska, Hawaii, or any other post you have to swim to is considered oconus.
Anyways. We have begun the process of pcsing. My stress levels are already through the roof. So much paperwork. I filled out less for college! But I am extremely glad to finally have a plan(ish) instead of this awful limbo. I doubt I will be a huge fan of Lejeune, but at least its better than 29 Palms!
Working on seeing the glass half full. Hopefully full of tequila or rum!

Fun Quiz from the Marine Wives on Facebook

1. Your name/their name: Hilary and Daniel
2. Your ages: 21 (me) and 22 (daniel)
3. Your locations: WA (me) and CA (him)
4. How did you meet?: We met in high school and reconnected almost two years later.
5. Since when have you been together?: December 2009
6. What is the most random thing you know about him/her?: He is a cat person, even if he tries to pretend he isnt.
7. How do you communicate with each other?: At this point, only by letter. Soon though, we will have access to a cellphone.
8.  Favorite thing you’ve given him/her?: probably his iPod touch. He loves music, and he uses it all the time.
9.  Favorite thing she/he has given you?: a more optomistic outlook on life
10.  Favorite thing about him/her?:I love that he is endlessly patient. No matter how frustrated and angry I get, he is always calm ready to forgive me.
11. Pick one thing you miss and describe it in detail.: I miss being able to cuddle next to him at night and lay my head on his chest. I miss how he smells.
12. How would you define love? Love is wanting the highest good for that person, regardless of how it might hurt or affect you.
13. What do you think is the hardest thing about distance?: The lack of support and sharing. Danny and I used to share every little detail of our day, from what we ate to who we were irritated by. Since he left, all I get are the basic details of his entire week. I know he doesnt feel that way, since my letters are long and detailed, but it is really hard to not know what is going on with him.

Gas Chamber and The Crucible

This coming week is my husbands last as a "recruit". On thursday, he will have completed the Crucible and recieved his EGA and the title, US Marine. But he has a bit of hell to go through before that happens.

Tomorrow, he will enter the gas chamber, one of the most horrible sounding experiences that the recruiter described to us. They will be forced to endure time in a sealed room filled with tear gas. I will never go through it, but I understand that it is a test of endurance that is a rite of passage for the recruits.

Then, on tuesday, they start the Crucible. I think. I am not sure about the start time, but I know that it is supposed to last for over two days and that when they are done, they will be Marines (or at the ceremony on thursday; not sure).

"The Crucible is the final test in recruit training, and represents the culmination of all of the skills and knowledge a Marine should possess. Designed in 1996^[14] to emphasize the importance of teamwork in overcoming adversity, the Crucible is a rigorous 54-hour field training^[1] exercise demanding the application of everything a recruit has learned until that point in recruit training, and includes a total of 48 miles of marching.^[15] It simulates typical combat situations with strenuous testing, hardship, and the deprivation of food and sleep. A recruit is given three MREs (= Meal Ready-to-Eat, a self-contained, individual field ration, previously two and half) and four to eight hours of sleep through the entire 54-hour event." (Wikipedia)

So you can see that it is no walk in the park, but I know my Danny is ready for it. He is strong and stubborn and he will do fine. Its me who is stuck here at home, worrying about how he is feeling and doing.

I am grappling with the knowledge that I can not help him. In all of our hardships in the the last three years, we have done it together, but now it all falls on him. I can only support him from a distance. No hugs or kisses. Just letters promising that I will be praying for him.

However, this week signals that he will be home soon. In my arms and possibly holding our son in his.

Phone Call

I got a phonecall yesterday from San Diego. My husband told me that he hadn't gotten mail in over a week so the DI allowed him to call home to check on me. It is good to know that the DI's are aware that Danny has a wife and child on the way; it gives me hope that maybe they will let him call me when I go into labor. I have only 21 days until my expected due date while husbands graduation is 29 days away. Everyone cross your fingers that baby is as stubborn as his dad and comes 8 or 9 days late.

Songs That Speak

There are songs out there that truly speak to people. So much music these days are nonsense with no real meaning behind them. Every once in a while though, there will be a song released that really connects with people. The music and lyrics make a person stop and think about how it relates to them.

In my humble opinion, this song describes my feelings perfectly. Its about three years old, but is still one of my husbands and my favorites, simply because we are best friends and are 100% in love. Its a beautiful life to live. =)

Take a listen if you don't already know the song. Its rather comforting if you are separated from your best friend for whatever reason.

***NOTE***
No letters since husband went back into a training company. He IS graduating on July 27th though, so its only a little more than two months until he is home.

Husbands first day back in a training company

Yesterday was my husbands first day back in a training company after three weeks in MRP. It was so nice to hear his voice on the phone two days ago; he finally sounded healthy.

I didn't realize until today, but I was a nervous wreck yesterday. I was twitchy all day. Looking back, I am pretty sure It was because I was worried that his first day wasn't going to go well. Like any wife, I was worried about my husband. But unlike a normal wife, my husband didn't come home at the end of the night, ready to tell me all about it. I have to wait a week or more before he can find time to write me a letter to tell me how he is feeling.

Not knowing is the worst.

A Poem Written to a Marine Wife

Marine Wife

© Danny Blackburn

When we married who would have thought of the changes in our lives
We were married one year, one month to the day when I made you a Marine Wife

Things were tough, we had only been married a year
I remember we talked of our future, our love and never fear

I remember leaving you on that hot summer day
I remember thinking this was what’s best as I went away

I was not fearful as I left your mom’s drive
I was not fearful on that my first plane ride

I was not fearful of the DI’s at all
They pushed and shoved us and made us stand tall

The DI’s told the married Marines of Jody at home with our wives
What they were teaching us was to control our tempers, one day it may save our lives

What they did to us, it surely did changed your life
13 weeks away from you my beautiful wife

I will tell the truth and will not cover with a lie
There was nights thinking of you where all I did was cry

Then that day came, we were given the title of a United States Marine
I was on the bus, on the plane home to you which seemed like a dream

I stepped off the plane looking for you I did not have to do
I seen a beautiful smile and glow, I seen nothing else but you

Into your arms I ran, we kissed like never before
I could not let you go again, I could not take any more

We had a saying in the Corps that is a fact of life
“The Toughest Job in the Corps, is that of a Marine wife”

Source: Marine Wife, Wife Poem http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/marine-wife#ixzz1ubskPreB
**NOTE**

"Jody" is an old reference. It was a males name back in the day, so for it to make sense, replace JOdy with Johnny.

Baby Shower Bash

If you have been keeping up with me, you are aware that I found out a month ago that I am pregnant. At the time, I was 23 weeks along. I am now 29 and really starting to feel it. Almost out of thin air, my belly popped out and I have started having all of the unpleasant symptoms of the third trimester. I wont go into them but its pretty irritating to get up every couple of hours at night to go pee.

So, what happens when you get pregnant? BABY SHOWER!!! All of the women in your family congregate to play silly games and offer lots of advice for new moms... plus gifts. Not that mine need an invitation, but its still a part of the pregnancy experience.

I am the first person in my family to have a baby in nine years (20 years on my husbands side). Can you imagine how excited people were? I immedietly got five different people wanting to throw the baby shower; my mom, sister, and aunt plus Dannys mother and sister. Its nice to have everyone being so nice and supportive.

So the way it has boiled down is that my aunt is throwing my baby shower with help from Dannys mother and grandmother while my mom has been made the organizer for my sisters Bridal Shower. The unfortunate thing is that since my due date and her wedding are so close, our showers have to be pretty close together. I have decided on June 16th for mine, but Amanda is having trouble deciding on hers.

Its hard to try to collect so many peoples information for invitations though. I had no idea so many people would have to be invited. I think the estimate at this point is close to thirty. That seems like a rather large party to me. And I might even be estimating low since my stepfathers family hasn't been counted yet.

If you knew me personally, you would know that I don't like letting other people be in control. So letting family members handle a party that I have a large interest in is very hard for me. I want to take over the whole thing and make sure its all perfect. Apparently that isn't allowed since I am the expectant mother. Its tacky I guess...

My aunt really does have it under control though. She asked me about some preferencs for food and such and we came up with some really easy and cost effective plans. The party is going to have a taco salad bar for food and a combination of Key Lime pie and Lemon Icebox pie. Green and Yellow; little boy colors! Its going to be at my mother and fathers workplace, where they have a large patio area and a entertainment room that is good in case the weather is bad. Plus, its free! Can't beat free.

I had a lot of fun putting together a baby registry. First I did it on amazon.com, which was really cool and had a great selection. Its a good place to do it if you have a lot of family members who are capable of using the computer. Mine, not so much. So i moved my registery over to Target.com. Less selection, but more accessible to people in general. Plus target.com is a pain to log into and try to manage. They did have a handy catagory function that allows you to see what type of items you have and haven't registered for.

I am very much looking forward to the baby shower. First, I get to see all of my family at once which is nice when we are all spread out so much. Secondly, the baby shower gifts allow to me to figure out what items Danny and I will have to purchase to get ready for the baby.

The sad part is that this is another thing Danny wont be home for. I am still proud of him and I appreciate his willingness to take care of our family.

What I Have Learned in the Last Three Weeks

1.      I am not in control. No matter how much I want to be, or think I should be, The Marine Corp is now a part of my life and marriage. Anything having to do with my husband has to do with them, so I had better just get used to it. He is theirs just as much, if not more, than he is mine.

2.      The Marine Corp has a lot of terminology that is way above my head. They have a name for items that don’t really need a new name, and it is frustrating to hear some strange designation instead of a proper name. My husband called the bathroom “the head” which threw me for a loop. Why has the military decided to rename everything?

3.      I am stronger than I thought, but weaker at the same time. I now know I am capable of taking care of myself if my husband is ever gone for good. But I have also realized that while I may be strong enough to physically care for myself, I am not very emotionally independent. I depend on my husband to listen to me, to comfort me, even to remind me when I am over reacting. My emotions have been all over the place for the last three weeks, and it isn’t getting any better.

4.      Nothing anyone says is very comforting. No matter how many times my mother or father reassure me, I still feel alone, scared, and worried. It’s nice to have family around, and their presence is at least distracting, but the hugs don’t even take the edge off the loneliness. They don’t need to know that though.

5.      Anything to distract myself is worth it. Moping all day isn’t good for me and it definitely isn’t helping my recruit. I know he can feel my sadness in my letters. He is my husband! He knows me better than I know myself so I am pretty sure he can pick up little hints of sadness, regardless of how hard I try to hide it. So for his sake, I have to stay upbeat. This means making sure I am not dwelling on the separation in order to make boot camp easier on him.

6.       I am so lucky to be my recruit’s wife. He is going through exhaustion and pain right now to provide a future for his family. He loves me and our anxiously awaited son so much that he is doing something that most people can’t even fathom. I certainly can’t!

Pneumonia

So I got a call from The San Diego Naval Hospital today. A lady with a heavy spanish accent informed me that my husband has been admitted and that I need to call them back. Or rather, she tried. I was making the yardsale routes with my family and missed the call. I didnt get the voicemail until an hour later.

I panicked. I thought he must be dying. Why else would he be in a hospital? So I tried to call the missed phone number, only to have it make the strangest clicking/beeping sound no matter how many times I hung up and redialed. I then began an incredibly panicked search on the internet for a working number to the hospital. I eventually found one and got connected to a person. Only to be transfered to another location, then put on hold while my husbands nurse was found. Now keep in mind that I STILL had no idea what was going on. The nurse was SO helpful (can you sense my sarcasm?). She gave me the phone number to my husbands room. I then proceeded to call the private number.

Ring...Ring...
Ring...Ring...
Ring...Ring...
Ring...Ring...

Nothing. You can guess what I did next . I called the nurse back and demanded they go to his room to find out why he wasn't answering. The phone wasn't freaking PLUGGED IN! The most basic part of a working telephone, and it wasn't connected.

Finally, I got in touch with my husband. Who has pneumonia. Pretty badly.

But God was it good to hear his voice. I could barely stop crying to ask him about his condition. He says he is okay, but his cough says otherwise. He could barely talk, but he talked to me for a few minutes, doing his best to comfort me, even though he is the sick one. He was very interested in how the baby is doing.

Eventually he had to get off the phone because the doctor came in to do some tests. I called him back about an hour later, but he was only able to talk for about 10 minutes before he told me he needed to go. No explanation, but I assume he was exhausted and needed to sleep.

I am such a mess right now. How am I going to survive being cut off from him again once he is out of the hospital?  It is taking every once of my willpower to not drive to the airport right now and jump on a plane. For the last three years, I have been taking care of him and it is agony to be 1500 miles away and not able to hold him while he coughs. To ease his pain.

Plus, if he is sick for long enough, he could be "recycled" meaning that he would have to start bootcamp all over again. I am praying thats not the case.

There really is a God!

Today, as I was writing Danny, a letter finally came. Almost three weeks after I dropped him off at his recruiters, I finally hear from him. It was like someone upstairs finally heard my prayers.

Honestly, I think this might be the best feeling I have ever had. Its such a beautiful feeling to hear from your loved one after so long. Believe me when I say that this is euphoria.

For the last two weeks, I have been watching the mail like a hawk. Every single day, I waited at home until the mail came, desperate for any communication from my dear dear husband. So of course, when I actually saw the half size envelope with the globe and anchor on it, I immedietly burst into tears and ripped into the envelope like a wild animal. I dont think I have ever moved so fast.

Unfortunatly, the letter wasn't very long, which was not very suprising considering how strapped for time he probably is. He expressed how much he missed me and how bootcamp is not what he was expecting. He of course inquired after the baby, as though he had no idea what was going on. I find that suspicious because I have been writing him huge letters everyday. Supposedly mail isn't supposed to be withheld for any reason, not even for disciplinary reasons.

Also, he asked that I send him Vitamin C tablets and protein bars. He wasn't very descriptive so I had to call his recruiter and ask how many protein bars I needed to send (aka, enough for his entire platoon). Him asking for Vitamin C worries me because he didn't include any other information. Is he sick? Does he need anything else?

I read in a couple of forums that recruits might appreciate being sent moleskin to help ease the pain of blisters, which I guess can be pretty common. The husband specifically requested that I not send him anything besides the two items, so I am still on the bridge about the blister help.

Oh, just for clarification, if you choose to send your recruit cookies or something, you absolutly HAVE to send enough for his entire platoon. However, that is not the case with protein bars. You only have to send enough for your person of interest. However, if the DI's feel it is necessary, they can pool all of the protein bars sent by families and distribute them as needed. So that doesn't mean dont send the protein bars that he is asking for. If he is asking for something, chances are that he really needs it.

Always remember that the recruiters are not only resources for your recruit, but also for you. Not just spouses, but parents to. You might have to be persistant with them, but they are usually willing to be helpful. My husbands was very kind to me today, asking how I was holding up. I was pretty choked up on the phone still, but he was very graceful under fire. Very few men seem to be able to handle a crying woman.

And if you are reading this before your recruit has shipped for basic, take this information to heart. That first letter is going to take a while. It is agony to wait, I know, but just keep writing to him. Even if he isnt getting them all quite yet, its also therapeutic for you, especially if your a spouse. It is very hard to go from having a constant companion to being alone for this long. So just write. Write about what you do everyday or about the funny article you read. Just write. If my husband really has been having his mail withheld, then he is going to have the largest stack of mail that the DI's have ever seen. Remember that it is up to you to be postive and to make sure he doesn't feel like his whole world is pain, exhaustion, and stress. He has to have a reason to continue.

(Please note that I say "he" because my recruit is my husband. Its just a mindset thing.)

53 Days until Basic

So this is Wednesday and according to my online countdown timer, it is 53 days until my husband leaves for basic in San Diego, California. That means that it is 142 days until my husband graduates, recieves his globe and anchor, and gets 10 days of leave.

It doesn't feel very long when I look at just the numbers. But then I think very hard about how long that actually is. Less than two months till he is gone and almost five months before we are no longer 100% separated. Well that is assuming that his job school is longer than six months, and it is one that I am allowed to go with him to.

Yeah, I found that out last night. When Danny finally enlisted back in December, the recruiters and his mother (a retired marine) made it sound as if I was allowed to go with him, as long as he was stationed somewhere for 6 months for longer. Last night, Danny says that there are certain job schools where I am not allowed to go with him, regardless of the length of the school.

WHAT?!?!?!?!

Deep breathes....Deep breathes....

I can handle this. I know I can. Once he is a Marine, he could be deployed somewhere for a year or more. I knew this was possible when we first talked to the recruiter.

Interesting though how quickly I got over it. Before Danny brought the military into our lives, I had no patience and I reallllly didn't like situations I couldn't control. Now that I have heard the phrase "Hurry up and wait" I have really noticed a change in my control issues. At the time, I didnt take it seriously. But now, with the recruiters constantly changing PT schedules and no one telling us anything specific about basic and when it will be over, I think I am getting used to it. I may just have to stop being my pushy, controlling self and let Danny and his recruiters handle everything.

So I am doing the only thing I can do; find a job. I haven't been employed for three months and its down to crunchtime. I HAVE to find a job before Danny leaves for basic, otherwise, I wont be able to support myself or pay for plane tickets in August.

Deep breathes...deep breathes...

Well, I will be back tomorrow. Danny has promised me he will call his recruiter and ask some questions about job school for Communications. We dont know his specific MOS yet, but maybe they can offer some ballpark figures as far as job school length and location. I just really hope its not some awful place in the slums of california. But if it meant being with him, I suppose I would be willing to live in a shack.

The Husband with his kitty