What I Have Learned in the Last Three Weeks

1.      I am not in control. No matter how much I want to be, or think I should be, The Marine Corp is now a part of my life and marriage. Anything having to do with my husband has to do with them, so I had better just get used to it. He is theirs just as much, if not more, than he is mine.

2.      The Marine Corp has a lot of terminology that is way above my head. They have a name for items that don’t really need a new name, and it is frustrating to hear some strange designation instead of a proper name. My husband called the bathroom “the head” which threw me for a loop. Why has the military decided to rename everything?

3.      I am stronger than I thought, but weaker at the same time. I now know I am capable of taking care of myself if my husband is ever gone for good. But I have also realized that while I may be strong enough to physically care for myself, I am not very emotionally independent. I depend on my husband to listen to me, to comfort me, even to remind me when I am over reacting. My emotions have been all over the place for the last three weeks, and it isn’t getting any better.

4.      Nothing anyone says is very comforting. No matter how many times my mother or father reassure me, I still feel alone, scared, and worried. It’s nice to have family around, and their presence is at least distracting, but the hugs don’t even take the edge off the loneliness. They don’t need to know that though.

5.      Anything to distract myself is worth it. Moping all day isn’t good for me and it definitely isn’t helping my recruit. I know he can feel my sadness in my letters. He is my husband! He knows me better than I know myself so I am pretty sure he can pick up little hints of sadness, regardless of how hard I try to hide it. So for his sake, I have to stay upbeat. This means making sure I am not dwelling on the separation in order to make boot camp easier on him.

6.       I am so lucky to be my recruit’s wife. He is going through exhaustion and pain right now to provide a future for his family. He loves me and our anxiously awaited son so much that he is doing something that most people can’t even fathom. I certainly can’t!

Something that just occured to me

So I have been reading some posts by other wifes of marines and I have noticed a trend; they all seem to be very attractive. Like, hot enough for me to take notice, and I dont usually bother with this stuff.

Are there no military spouses that have a few extra pounds or maybe some unsightly mole? I mean, am I doomed to feeling inferior when I am living on base somewhere, neighbors to these skinny and perfectly manicured trophy wives???

So I guess this leaves me with a couple of options:

1) Get in shape. Greatttt....Salads instead of yummy savory steaks and an hour on the eliptical every morning. Sounds like a load of fun.

2) Get over myself. My husband married me the way I am, 20 pounds extra and all, and who am I trying to impress? Oh yeah, just the tons of apparently attractive women who will soon be my neighbors and mental rivals. I know that I dont need to feel threatened by other women, but I cant shake the thought that if Miss Sexy Marine woman over there were to walk past my husband, he wouldn't stop and stare.

So is my vanity worth delicious steaks and Micky-D french fries? Im not unhealthy, just not in peak physical condition...are a few guily pleasures WORTH feeling like I am able to compete with women who aren't actually competing with me???