Paternity Leave

I know I already posted this evening, but I wanted to share some of my research about the Marine Corp and their policy about paternity leave.

Apparently, before 2008, there was no such thing, or if there was, it was no guarantee. Then, Bush and the senate agreed that all branches of the military must implement a program to give every service member 10 days of non-chargeable paternity leave. But only if he was married or was going to have sole custody of the child being born.

Every branch has their own policy regarding P.Leave, but the USMC is this: You are entitled to 10 days of leave, but you have to request it within 25 days of the childs birth, at the commanders discretion. Of course, there are certain factors that can change that rule, i.e. deployment, but it seems pretty unsual for paternity leave to be denied.

And, if you were like me, and had no idea what "non-chargable" meant, here you go: Every service member is entitled to 30 days of leave every year. So when you get your paternity leave, it is not subtracted from your regular annual leave. It is in addition. So in a year that a child is born, a service member will get 40 days of leave instead of the standard 30.

Here is the link to the page describing paternity leave:
http://usmilitary.about.com/od/marines/a/paternityleave.htm

And here is a Wikipedia article about the types of leave. It seemed pretty decent and informative. Hope it helps:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leave_(U.S._military)

The End of Phase One

The husband is now officially no longer in the first phase of bootcamp. He has started phase II and is at Camp Pendleton for rifle training. Sounds like fun!

If he hadn't been dropped for pneumonia, he would actually be a month from coming home at this point. He was originally supposed to graduate on July 6th, but has been bumped back to July 27th.

So, I want to remind anyone who has a recruit that you should look at my link to what OPSEC is and remember to not post specific dates of troop movement. Yes, that includes the dates on which your recruit went to or returned from Camp Pendleton. Learn the OPSEC guidlines now, so you don't get chewed out later on when your recruit is a marine and he is leaving for or returning from a deployment. Facebook and Twitter is the enemy of OPSEC.

Finally, Some Results!

There is a God! After two weeks of calling and emailing the recruiters, there is finally a plan!

The Power of Attorney has been recovered, I found my Marriage Certificate, and the plan is to head to Fairchild Airforce base tomorrow morning. Fairchild is the closest military installation, so thats where I have to go to get enrolled in DEERS. Which is what allows me to be eligable for Tricare.

I am so relieved to finally have this situation getting wrapped up! I have been trying to limit stress since my last OB appt and this whole thing has just been making me super stressed.

If you are reading this, and don't know what DEERS or Tricare is, look at my list of page links and there will be a few useful ones for you.

If you are in the same situation as me, and are trying to figure out what needs to be done, here are some tips:

1. Get your PoA and DONT let it out of your sight. Keep it safe.
2. Gather all of your documents. Picture ID, Birth certificate (yours), Marriage Certificate, and SSN Card.
3. Make sure you know your husbands SSN. The Husbands recruiter didn't mention that I would need it, but I have read in lots of other places that if your spouse is in the military, you had better learn those nine numbers by heart.
4. Make sure your spouses recruiters KNOW that you want to get this taken care of. You don't need to be rude, but I definetly got more results after I made sure they knew I was getting impatient with the waiting games.

Anything beyond these tips is beyond your control. So as stressful as it may be...

                                       "Just keep swimming!"

Baby Shower Bash

If you have been keeping up with me, you are aware that I found out a month ago that I am pregnant. At the time, I was 23 weeks along. I am now 29 and really starting to feel it. Almost out of thin air, my belly popped out and I have started having all of the unpleasant symptoms of the third trimester. I wont go into them but its pretty irritating to get up every couple of hours at night to go pee.

So, what happens when you get pregnant? BABY SHOWER!!! All of the women in your family congregate to play silly games and offer lots of advice for new moms... plus gifts. Not that mine need an invitation, but its still a part of the pregnancy experience.

I am the first person in my family to have a baby in nine years (20 years on my husbands side). Can you imagine how excited people were? I immedietly got five different people wanting to throw the baby shower; my mom, sister, and aunt plus Dannys mother and sister. Its nice to have everyone being so nice and supportive.

So the way it has boiled down is that my aunt is throwing my baby shower with help from Dannys mother and grandmother while my mom has been made the organizer for my sisters Bridal Shower. The unfortunate thing is that since my due date and her wedding are so close, our showers have to be pretty close together. I have decided on June 16th for mine, but Amanda is having trouble deciding on hers.

Its hard to try to collect so many peoples information for invitations though. I had no idea so many people would have to be invited. I think the estimate at this point is close to thirty. That seems like a rather large party to me. And I might even be estimating low since my stepfathers family hasn't been counted yet.

If you knew me personally, you would know that I don't like letting other people be in control. So letting family members handle a party that I have a large interest in is very hard for me. I want to take over the whole thing and make sure its all perfect. Apparently that isn't allowed since I am the expectant mother. Its tacky I guess...

My aunt really does have it under control though. She asked me about some preferencs for food and such and we came up with some really easy and cost effective plans. The party is going to have a taco salad bar for food and a combination of Key Lime pie and Lemon Icebox pie. Green and Yellow; little boy colors! Its going to be at my mother and fathers workplace, where they have a large patio area and a entertainment room that is good in case the weather is bad. Plus, its free! Can't beat free.

I had a lot of fun putting together a baby registry. First I did it on amazon.com, which was really cool and had a great selection. Its a good place to do it if you have a lot of family members who are capable of using the computer. Mine, not so much. So i moved my registery over to Target.com. Less selection, but more accessible to people in general. Plus target.com is a pain to log into and try to manage. They did have a handy catagory function that allows you to see what type of items you have and haven't registered for.

I am very much looking forward to the baby shower. First, I get to see all of my family at once which is nice when we are all spread out so much. Secondly, the baby shower gifts allow to me to figure out what items Danny and I will have to purchase to get ready for the baby.

The sad part is that this is another thing Danny wont be home for. I am still proud of him and I appreciate his willingness to take care of our family.

Post Pneumonia

I find myself lost all over again after having spent the last few days worrying every second of the day about my husband. Between calling him in the hospital and researching pneumonia, I haven't had time to be lonely. I have been so focused on him that I have completely forgotten how to be alone.

Let me explain...

In the last three weeks, I have mostly gotten used to practically being single. Sure, I spend time writing to the husband, but everything else in my life became solo. After he left, I eventually stopped crying and got on with life.

So when I got to opportunity to talk to my husband on the phone, all that coping was forgotten. I got used to talking to him again. Telling him about my day and asking about his. I felt married again even if he wasn't in the room with me.

Don't get me wrong; those phone calls are now some of my most precious memories. I wouldn't trade them for anything. It was amazing being able to hear his voice again.

Be warned though: by having the blessing of those phone calls, I was sent sprawling back to square one. I am depressed and lonely. It was like he had just left, all over again.

The good news is that, while he IS being dropped to MRP, it is only for a week. So unless he spontaenously gets sick again, his graduation should only be delayed by a couple weeks, max. This might be a blessing for us. It may be unpleasent for him now, but this could mean that he might be with me for the birth of our child.

God really must be watching out for us. There is no other explanation for how everything has been working out for the last two months. How I magically quit smoking when I was unknowingly two months pregnant or how Danny was able to slide into an earlier slot for bootcamp.

Thank you God for watching over my son, my husband, and even me. None of us deserve it, thats for sure.

What I Have Learned in the Last Three Weeks

1.      I am not in control. No matter how much I want to be, or think I should be, The Marine Corp is now a part of my life and marriage. Anything having to do with my husband has to do with them, so I had better just get used to it. He is theirs just as much, if not more, than he is mine.

2.      The Marine Corp has a lot of terminology that is way above my head. They have a name for items that don’t really need a new name, and it is frustrating to hear some strange designation instead of a proper name. My husband called the bathroom “the head” which threw me for a loop. Why has the military decided to rename everything?

3.      I am stronger than I thought, but weaker at the same time. I now know I am capable of taking care of myself if my husband is ever gone for good. But I have also realized that while I may be strong enough to physically care for myself, I am not very emotionally independent. I depend on my husband to listen to me, to comfort me, even to remind me when I am over reacting. My emotions have been all over the place for the last three weeks, and it isn’t getting any better.

4.      Nothing anyone says is very comforting. No matter how many times my mother or father reassure me, I still feel alone, scared, and worried. It’s nice to have family around, and their presence is at least distracting, but the hugs don’t even take the edge off the loneliness. They don’t need to know that though.

5.      Anything to distract myself is worth it. Moping all day isn’t good for me and it definitely isn’t helping my recruit. I know he can feel my sadness in my letters. He is my husband! He knows me better than I know myself so I am pretty sure he can pick up little hints of sadness, regardless of how hard I try to hide it. So for his sake, I have to stay upbeat. This means making sure I am not dwelling on the separation in order to make boot camp easier on him.

6.       I am so lucky to be my recruit’s wife. He is going through exhaustion and pain right now to provide a future for his family. He loves me and our anxiously awaited son so much that he is doing something that most people can’t even fathom. I certainly can’t!

Pneumonia

So I got a call from The San Diego Naval Hospital today. A lady with a heavy spanish accent informed me that my husband has been admitted and that I need to call them back. Or rather, she tried. I was making the yardsale routes with my family and missed the call. I didnt get the voicemail until an hour later.

I panicked. I thought he must be dying. Why else would he be in a hospital? So I tried to call the missed phone number, only to have it make the strangest clicking/beeping sound no matter how many times I hung up and redialed. I then began an incredibly panicked search on the internet for a working number to the hospital. I eventually found one and got connected to a person. Only to be transfered to another location, then put on hold while my husbands nurse was found. Now keep in mind that I STILL had no idea what was going on. The nurse was SO helpful (can you sense my sarcasm?). She gave me the phone number to my husbands room. I then proceeded to call the private number.

Ring...Ring...
Ring...Ring...
Ring...Ring...
Ring...Ring...

Nothing. You can guess what I did next . I called the nurse back and demanded they go to his room to find out why he wasn't answering. The phone wasn't freaking PLUGGED IN! The most basic part of a working telephone, and it wasn't connected.

Finally, I got in touch with my husband. Who has pneumonia. Pretty badly.

But God was it good to hear his voice. I could barely stop crying to ask him about his condition. He says he is okay, but his cough says otherwise. He could barely talk, but he talked to me for a few minutes, doing his best to comfort me, even though he is the sick one. He was very interested in how the baby is doing.

Eventually he had to get off the phone because the doctor came in to do some tests. I called him back about an hour later, but he was only able to talk for about 10 minutes before he told me he needed to go. No explanation, but I assume he was exhausted and needed to sleep.

I am such a mess right now. How am I going to survive being cut off from him again once he is out of the hospital?  It is taking every once of my willpower to not drive to the airport right now and jump on a plane. For the last three years, I have been taking care of him and it is agony to be 1500 miles away and not able to hold him while he coughs. To ease his pain.

Plus, if he is sick for long enough, he could be "recycled" meaning that he would have to start bootcamp all over again. I am praying thats not the case.

There really is a God!

Today, as I was writing Danny, a letter finally came. Almost three weeks after I dropped him off at his recruiters, I finally hear from him. It was like someone upstairs finally heard my prayers.

Honestly, I think this might be the best feeling I have ever had. Its such a beautiful feeling to hear from your loved one after so long. Believe me when I say that this is euphoria.

For the last two weeks, I have been watching the mail like a hawk. Every single day, I waited at home until the mail came, desperate for any communication from my dear dear husband. So of course, when I actually saw the half size envelope with the globe and anchor on it, I immedietly burst into tears and ripped into the envelope like a wild animal. I dont think I have ever moved so fast.

Unfortunatly, the letter wasn't very long, which was not very suprising considering how strapped for time he probably is. He expressed how much he missed me and how bootcamp is not what he was expecting. He of course inquired after the baby, as though he had no idea what was going on. I find that suspicious because I have been writing him huge letters everyday. Supposedly mail isn't supposed to be withheld for any reason, not even for disciplinary reasons.

Also, he asked that I send him Vitamin C tablets and protein bars. He wasn't very descriptive so I had to call his recruiter and ask how many protein bars I needed to send (aka, enough for his entire platoon). Him asking for Vitamin C worries me because he didn't include any other information. Is he sick? Does he need anything else?

I read in a couple of forums that recruits might appreciate being sent moleskin to help ease the pain of blisters, which I guess can be pretty common. The husband specifically requested that I not send him anything besides the two items, so I am still on the bridge about the blister help.

Oh, just for clarification, if you choose to send your recruit cookies or something, you absolutly HAVE to send enough for his entire platoon. However, that is not the case with protein bars. You only have to send enough for your person of interest. However, if the DI's feel it is necessary, they can pool all of the protein bars sent by families and distribute them as needed. So that doesn't mean dont send the protein bars that he is asking for. If he is asking for something, chances are that he really needs it.

Always remember that the recruiters are not only resources for your recruit, but also for you. Not just spouses, but parents to. You might have to be persistant with them, but they are usually willing to be helpful. My husbands was very kind to me today, asking how I was holding up. I was pretty choked up on the phone still, but he was very graceful under fire. Very few men seem to be able to handle a crying woman.

And if you are reading this before your recruit has shipped for basic, take this information to heart. That first letter is going to take a while. It is agony to wait, I know, but just keep writing to him. Even if he isnt getting them all quite yet, its also therapeutic for you, especially if your a spouse. It is very hard to go from having a constant companion to being alone for this long. So just write. Write about what you do everyday or about the funny article you read. Just write. If my husband really has been having his mail withheld, then he is going to have the largest stack of mail that the DI's have ever seen. Remember that it is up to you to be postive and to make sure he doesn't feel like his whole world is pain, exhaustion, and stress. He has to have a reason to continue.

(Please note that I say "he" because my recruit is my husband. Its just a mindset thing.)

The Big Day

Well he left today for MEPS. Then he gets sent to the airport tomorrow and shipped to San Diego for 13 weeks.

I can't seem to stop crying. I feel like a baby and I hate it. I know he has only been gone for about seven hours but it seems like every little thing reminds me of him and makes tears spring into my eyes.

After I dropped him off at the recruiters today, I sat in the car for a few minutes just trying to breathe. In our entire three years together we have never been separated for longer than a couple of weeks and we have always had phone contact. Now I am resigned to letters and the knowledge that I have to wait 13 weeks to see him again.

I wasn't ready for him to go. I wasn't prepared emotionally. My family is worried about me and says the first 48 hours are going to be the hardest. Also that half my reaction is because of my pregnancy horomones. I think I am just miserable and want to stay in bed for three months until he is laying with me again.

And now I am crying again. I am half hoping that MEPS is going to say that he is ineligeble and he will call me tomorrow saying that he needs me to come get him. I feel bad for wishing that, but the thought of three months is suddenly to much. I am regretting supporting him joining and I just want him home. It is selfish I know.

I am going to sign off now. Try to get a little slee

53 Days until Basic

So this is Wednesday and according to my online countdown timer, it is 53 days until my husband leaves for basic in San Diego, California. That means that it is 142 days until my husband graduates, recieves his globe and anchor, and gets 10 days of leave.

It doesn't feel very long when I look at just the numbers. But then I think very hard about how long that actually is. Less than two months till he is gone and almost five months before we are no longer 100% separated. Well that is assuming that his job school is longer than six months, and it is one that I am allowed to go with him to.

Yeah, I found that out last night. When Danny finally enlisted back in December, the recruiters and his mother (a retired marine) made it sound as if I was allowed to go with him, as long as he was stationed somewhere for 6 months for longer. Last night, Danny says that there are certain job schools where I am not allowed to go with him, regardless of the length of the school.

WHAT?!?!?!?!

Deep breathes....Deep breathes....

I can handle this. I know I can. Once he is a Marine, he could be deployed somewhere for a year or more. I knew this was possible when we first talked to the recruiter.

Interesting though how quickly I got over it. Before Danny brought the military into our lives, I had no patience and I reallllly didn't like situations I couldn't control. Now that I have heard the phrase "Hurry up and wait" I have really noticed a change in my control issues. At the time, I didnt take it seriously. But now, with the recruiters constantly changing PT schedules and no one telling us anything specific about basic and when it will be over, I think I am getting used to it. I may just have to stop being my pushy, controlling self and let Danny and his recruiters handle everything.

So I am doing the only thing I can do; find a job. I haven't been employed for three months and its down to crunchtime. I HAVE to find a job before Danny leaves for basic, otherwise, I wont be able to support myself or pay for plane tickets in August.

Deep breathes...deep breathes...

Well, I will be back tomorrow. Danny has promised me he will call his recruiter and ask some questions about job school for Communications. We dont know his specific MOS yet, but maybe they can offer some ballpark figures as far as job school length and location. I just really hope its not some awful place in the slums of california. But if it meant being with him, I suppose I would be willing to live in a shack.

The Husband with his kitty