Since Danny is gone to San Diego, and might very well miss the delivery, my mother has been coming with me to the classes. Its nice of her to go, but she isn't very helpful. Not on purpose, but she and I dont really get along. Her personality grates on mine and she despises everything that I do in my life. Were both pretty judgemental. But thats the oldest mother/daughters story in history.
Anyway, the class started and the teacher immedietly said "So husbands, did your wife do her exercises this last week."
It felt like a giant slap in the face. It hurt so bad that I teared up. But I bucked up and made myself smile hard. The teacher asked more questions for about ten minutes then we moved on to watching a couple of birth videos. *spoiler: its gross.*
Both videos were of happy young couples getting through the delivery together with the husband offering massages, water, etc. It made me pretty sad. These women get their husbands and I am going to be stuck with my mother who has no idea how to support me. In the delivery room, she is probably going to be lecturing me and saying that this was my fault for not being on birth control.
(Yeah, thats her favorite thing to say since I got pregnant. Mom, why would you bother with birth control if the doctor told you that you were very unlikely to get pregnant? My mother has been very unsupportive. At this point, I think I want to be in the delivery room alone.)
Finally we got the end of the class, and I was on the edge, but still keeping it together. That was when the teacher started talking about the patterned breathing. For some reason, THAT set me off. I started crying and said "Mom, we have to go." Of all the things that could have made me cry and miss my husband, its the breathing. Explain that one to me...
So we get up and leave in silence. It was pretty awful. I was crying the whole way home.
That didn't stop my mom from lecturing me about how my negative feelings are going to impact the baby, which I know is true. Its not like I have a solution though. I can't force myself to stop being sad. She, like so many people, just don't get it. The longest she has ever been seperated from her husband is about three days. She expects me to just get over it.
I usually am pretty in control of my feelings. I miss my husband all of th time, but I am still functioning. I think I am entitled to some rough patches though. For Gods Sake, I am 30 weeks pregnant. Its a tough situation. Get off my back for crying once in a while.
Ugh, I wish I had another option besides my mom. But if I choose someone besides her to be my "birthing coach" she will never forgive me and spend the rest of her life guilt tripping me about it. I hope my son doesn't dislike me this much.
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